Feb. 13th, 2007

Off to the UW Medical Center for some breathing tests. I have absolutely no idea what to expect, except that I'll be there for almost an hour.

Party.
Well, apparently I have excellent lung capacity/volume, but shitty exhalation. For some reason, my breathing is obstructed on the way out. What's worse is that the tests came out exactly the same 10, 15, and 20 minutes after I took 2 puffs from an Albuterol inhaler. Which means I've been carrying it around my purse for nothing. Which also means it's . . . well, not entirely back to the drawing board, but close enough for me. Something's up to have been on the other two inhalers for several weeks now and still have such results. So, back to see the doctor in a week or two, perhaps to try some different meds.

I've decided that Saturday evening I reminded myself of the retarded version of my 18 year old self. That is not a good thing to be reminded of. Something is wrong, but I'm not quite sure what. I am unhappy, clearly. But why? I have more and more of what I refer to as my aimless days. Not only do I fail to find motivation to tackle any academic work I have piling up (write a paper, read a shit-ton of books, RA work), but I also can't motivate to do the things I typically find enjoyable (I have 2 Netflix movies sitting on my counter from 3 weeks ago, I'm in the middle of a fiction book I haven't picked up in over a week, I don't actively surf the web and read all of the blogs I used to - instead I tend to refresh the same page repeatedly until I can't take that anymore . . . ).

Guess I'll have stuff to talk about in therapy next week.
I am currently addicted to Pepperidge Farm Original Goldfish. I fear I may consume the whole bag.

In other news, I am tired of being depressed. A year without it would be . . . a dream come true.

Following my earlier post, I curled up into bed and slept (and drempt, oddly enough) for 4 hours. It was originally an act of avoidance and hibernation, but I must have also needed the sleep.

I also don't know if I can salvage my purse after . . . well, after the consequences of my drinking Saturday evening. This makes me really sad, because I was in love with the bag. It's a green version of the medium tote harvey seatbelt bag. Sad. :( Unfortunately, I can't think of a good reason why I deserve a replacement bag. :(

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rhd323

January 2013

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