Jul. 18th, 2007

Mom found me sprawled out, asleep, on my bed last night at 10pm - lights on, computer open and on, still half dressed. She kindly turned the lights off, tucked me in, and "shhh"d me when I said something about having to get up and brush my teeth.

Unfortunately, I woke up at midnight and couldn't fall back to sleep. So spent the next two hours playing my most recent guilty pleasure - Hotel Dusk: Room 215 on Nintendo DS.

Now today I am so groggy.

Tomorrow morning is the colposcopy. Numero tres. I actually think - now that I've had two - I am more anxious than I was before my first one. Fear of the unknown and fear of the known are rather different and, at least before the very first time, there was a small hope in my mind that it wouldn't be terribly painful and knock me out for the rest of the day. Now I have an N of two that suggests there is a very high probability that it will be very painful, very uncomfortable, and I will feel all sorts of off for the rest of the day tomorrow. I've actually had a difficult time pretending it's not happening since last Friday. Weird. The only, very very small consolation, is that I love my gynocologist and haven't seen her since November. Um, yay?

I guess there is a small chance she won't see anything to biopsy (which is the worst part of the whole thing and I think the cause of the pain for the rest of the day), but given previous experience, she's always taken at least two pieces . . .


This shit is supposed to go away after awhile. It really is. My body just . . . sucks.



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