Stole me away . . .
Jan. 4th, 2007 12:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rhd323Yep, still listening to this song. On repeat currently.
Flying back west tomorrow. I think I may return in a few weeks, as crazy as that sounds. However, it's incredibly hard to resist a cross-country flight for $254 when I'm so used to seeing prices in the $400 range and above. I've been a bit more of a home body this trip and it's been nice. I like being around my parents, for which I feel incredibly lucky. I like having mom come in to my bedroom to hug/kiss me goodnight. Or dad hearing me brush my teeth in the bathroom and calling me in to his room (yeah, each of the four of us have our own bedroom) to hug him goodnight. Don't get me wrong, I like living independently in my apartment with my two cats. In fact, most of the time I love it. I have the time this year since I'm not teaching and I have no more classes and feel like I should take advantage. I can do Michael's research from nearly anywhere once I get coordinated with the undergraduates (which is always a . . . pleasure). Next year it may not be that way - I could be teaching or have a more demanding research schedule. Who knows. Plus, both parents approve. Well, of course mom does (she'd pay to ship my entire apartment here - cats included - I believe, if it meant I would stay). But, dad actually mentioned it again to me this evening and said "let's do it then, if you have the time". (This was after having to explain to him how I could be in school but not actually have to be at school. Which, I guess from an outsider's perspective, is pretty odd.)
It's a new year, which is always a bit strange to me for a number of reasons. First and foremost, I'm an academic. Our years begin sometime late September and end in June (at least on the west coast). The transition from December to January is just the transition from fall to winter quarter - a continuation of another academic year. Yet, I still manage to reflect like most about the previous and upcoming years. This past year was . . . interesting?
The first memorable experience was getting my final two wisdom teeth removed at the beginning of February. Instead of the few days I was promised, my recovery took over a month due to a nasty infection that locked my jaw and made my cheeks swell, harden, and turn funky colors. I spent four weeks brushing with a toothbrush intended for a baby and eating things like mashed potatoes, apple sauce, yogurt, and so on. All of which got old really fast.
Needless to say, by the end of the month my mood was even lower than it was at the beginning. And I wasn't doing so well then either. So, I finally caved and called the University mental health clinic. During my consultation, the woman suggested the possibility of going on medication. (In part, she said, because I had told her my daily wine intake had increased - having a glass or two before bed became a near ritual simply so I could get to sleep. It sounded like self-medicating to her.) So, after some thought, I made an appointment and eventually started on medication. I was really ambivalent about it at the beginning, but looking back it was the right decision. However, I do remember hating the first few weeks - the side effects sucked. Nothing like permanent cotton mouth. Yuck. Oh, and absolutely no libido for nearly the first few months. I also found a therapist I love. The frequency with which I become paralyzed by fear, anxiety, and stress or fall apart in tears on my couch has become much, much lower than it was a year ago. By the end of 2005, my ability to live my daily life (socially and academically) was really suffering.
I finished up my classes, which was a pretty big relief. I remember a time when I thought I would never tire of being in a classroom. I was delusional. Unfortunately, I still have one last 'X' on my transcript - still owe Michael a paper from a quarter I am too embarassed to admit. That is a serious downside to having such a laid back advisor.
I adopted Maynard in May, a few days after seeing Tool at the Paramount (which was pretty fucking incredible, if I do say so myself). Until the little bastard flirted with me at the rescue shelter, I'd had a strict one cat (Hermione) policy. The main reason was my lifestyle - flying one cat across country a few times a year is one thing. Flying two is . . . well, not really an option for now. But, he won me over after a few visits and turned out to be a wonderful addition to my little family.
In the summer I presented by myself for the first time at a conference. I was also a discussant for the first time at the same conference (Law and Society Association). It felt really good - I've been to so many conferences (11?), but had always presented co-authored work. It was terrifying, but so much more rewarding. I finally felt I was beginning to come into my own, particularly within the network of academics that regularly attend that conference (which happens to be my favorite). I received really positive feedback on my paper, which was the initial draft of my master's thesis.
I finally got around to seeing a bit more of the region I currently live in. Visited Orcas Island (which is absolutely gorgeous), Port Townsend, Mt. Ranier National Park, Snoqualmie Falls . . . made a tiny dent over the summer in the very long list of places I want to see before I leave.
It was the summer and fall of visitors in Seattle, which was really quite nice. Aside from my mom, no one else had made it cross-country to visit (not that I blame them entirely - not only is it expensive, it's a long fucking trip). My sister came for the first time by herself. Heather, Erich, and Sam all came for at least a week each. Both of my parents finally made it out in October. (Dad's first trip since he helped move me out there . . . )
I defended my master's. Finally. I can't even begin to describe the level of relief that was associated with my walking out of that room after my three committee members congratulated me. The defense was even, dare I say, an enjoyable experience. It reminded me that I enjoy discussing interesting, complex ideas. It's rare that you get to be in a room with three very big brains and have them focused solely on you. I had felt like the MA was weighing on me from the end of first year (so it'd been over two years coming). Constantly having to tell people "it's on its way" really started to weigh on my confidence in the program. Saying it revived me probably sounds foolish, particularly since I spent the rest of the quarter reading science fiction and watching more TV that I'll ever admit. Even to myself. But, I think my brain needed a vacation.
When I return, I need to get started on my reading lists. My goal is to take my comprehensive exams by the end of the quarter. If I work, that shouldn't be a problem. However, I am a little worried I will have to overcome my usual obstacles. The two lists are intimidating - 65 and 85 items respectively (American Politics and Public Law). It's perfectly doable, but one of those tasks that you need to remember to take in pieces instead of as a whole. I will also, of course, need to fight all of my usual urges to procrastinate - reading fiction, Netflix, beer, and my DVR are only a few of my favorite distractions . . .
I have never kept a New Year's resolution, so I don't plan to make any. I do, however, have more general long-term life goals. (I think the therapist suggested I call them life manifestations or something.) The first, and probably my most important, is financial. At the start of 2006 I had begun to feel like I was gaining control over my credit cards. By the end of the year the story is different. Very different. The balances have spun out of control. For obvious reasons, my spending habits need to change. It also, though, stresses me out - a lot - on occasion. I am not in danger of anything, but I don't like the numbers. Once I figure out what my new pay is (we get a 'raise' after we complete our MA), I plan to come up with a budget of sorts (I fear the stricter it is, the less likely I will be to follow it - it will need to have leeway for that occasional pair of underwear or shoes I absolutely need, of course). Part of the solution will simply be to eat at home more. I ate out so much this year, it's ridiculous. I could also drink less, but one thing at a time.
The second, and also very important, is health related. I need to move more. Whether that means I force myself to walk around the blocks in my neighborhood for 20 minutes a day or I find some activity (take those tap dancing classes I've been 'planning on taking' for 3 years now?) that I don't hate, I need to do something. It's one thing to have a sedentary career, but another when you also spend your free time not moving. School is reading, writing, researching and - let's face it - typing doesn't burn very many calories. My free time involves eating, more reading, watching movies, going out for drinks . . . somewhere in there I need to squeeze movement. For both my physical and mental well-being. I have been good about forgetting I own a scale, but there is always a tiny bit of risk. With any luck, a little exercise will also help that pathetic immune system of mine. I don't know if I could take another year of such frequent head/chest colds/infections.
As for the rest, I have the usual hopes and goals for a new year. Be good to myself. Be good to others. Reduce any opportunities for regret. Oh, and have a prospectus by fall quarter.
Having breakfast with mom and her parents in the morning. Then it'll be time to finish packing and head to the airport. I suspect I'll have to pay for one of my suitcases - it will, inevitably, be over the weight limit. *sigh*
Flying back west tomorrow. I think I may return in a few weeks, as crazy as that sounds. However, it's incredibly hard to resist a cross-country flight for $254 when I'm so used to seeing prices in the $400 range and above. I've been a bit more of a home body this trip and it's been nice. I like being around my parents, for which I feel incredibly lucky. I like having mom come in to my bedroom to hug/kiss me goodnight. Or dad hearing me brush my teeth in the bathroom and calling me in to his room (yeah, each of the four of us have our own bedroom) to hug him goodnight. Don't get me wrong, I like living independently in my apartment with my two cats. In fact, most of the time I love it. I have the time this year since I'm not teaching and I have no more classes and feel like I should take advantage. I can do Michael's research from nearly anywhere once I get coordinated with the undergraduates (which is always a . . . pleasure). Next year it may not be that way - I could be teaching or have a more demanding research schedule. Who knows. Plus, both parents approve. Well, of course mom does (she'd pay to ship my entire apartment here - cats included - I believe, if it meant I would stay). But, dad actually mentioned it again to me this evening and said "let's do it then, if you have the time". (This was after having to explain to him how I could be in school but not actually have to be at school. Which, I guess from an outsider's perspective, is pretty odd.)
It's a new year, which is always a bit strange to me for a number of reasons. First and foremost, I'm an academic. Our years begin sometime late September and end in June (at least on the west coast). The transition from December to January is just the transition from fall to winter quarter - a continuation of another academic year. Yet, I still manage to reflect like most about the previous and upcoming years. This past year was . . . interesting?
The first memorable experience was getting my final two wisdom teeth removed at the beginning of February. Instead of the few days I was promised, my recovery took over a month due to a nasty infection that locked my jaw and made my cheeks swell, harden, and turn funky colors. I spent four weeks brushing with a toothbrush intended for a baby and eating things like mashed potatoes, apple sauce, yogurt, and so on. All of which got old really fast.
Needless to say, by the end of the month my mood was even lower than it was at the beginning. And I wasn't doing so well then either. So, I finally caved and called the University mental health clinic. During my consultation, the woman suggested the possibility of going on medication. (In part, she said, because I had told her my daily wine intake had increased - having a glass or two before bed became a near ritual simply so I could get to sleep. It sounded like self-medicating to her.) So, after some thought, I made an appointment and eventually started on medication. I was really ambivalent about it at the beginning, but looking back it was the right decision. However, I do remember hating the first few weeks - the side effects sucked. Nothing like permanent cotton mouth. Yuck. Oh, and absolutely no libido for nearly the first few months. I also found a therapist I love. The frequency with which I become paralyzed by fear, anxiety, and stress or fall apart in tears on my couch has become much, much lower than it was a year ago. By the end of 2005, my ability to live my daily life (socially and academically) was really suffering.
I finished up my classes, which was a pretty big relief. I remember a time when I thought I would never tire of being in a classroom. I was delusional. Unfortunately, I still have one last 'X' on my transcript - still owe Michael a paper from a quarter I am too embarassed to admit. That is a serious downside to having such a laid back advisor.
I adopted Maynard in May, a few days after seeing Tool at the Paramount (which was pretty fucking incredible, if I do say so myself). Until the little bastard flirted with me at the rescue shelter, I'd had a strict one cat (Hermione) policy. The main reason was my lifestyle - flying one cat across country a few times a year is one thing. Flying two is . . . well, not really an option for now. But, he won me over after a few visits and turned out to be a wonderful addition to my little family.
In the summer I presented by myself for the first time at a conference. I was also a discussant for the first time at the same conference (Law and Society Association). It felt really good - I've been to so many conferences (11?), but had always presented co-authored work. It was terrifying, but so much more rewarding. I finally felt I was beginning to come into my own, particularly within the network of academics that regularly attend that conference (which happens to be my favorite). I received really positive feedback on my paper, which was the initial draft of my master's thesis.
I finally got around to seeing a bit more of the region I currently live in. Visited Orcas Island (which is absolutely gorgeous), Port Townsend, Mt. Ranier National Park, Snoqualmie Falls . . . made a tiny dent over the summer in the very long list of places I want to see before I leave.
It was the summer and fall of visitors in Seattle, which was really quite nice. Aside from my mom, no one else had made it cross-country to visit (not that I blame them entirely - not only is it expensive, it's a long fucking trip). My sister came for the first time by herself. Heather, Erich, and Sam all came for at least a week each. Both of my parents finally made it out in October. (Dad's first trip since he helped move me out there . . . )
I defended my master's. Finally. I can't even begin to describe the level of relief that was associated with my walking out of that room after my three committee members congratulated me. The defense was even, dare I say, an enjoyable experience. It reminded me that I enjoy discussing interesting, complex ideas. It's rare that you get to be in a room with three very big brains and have them focused solely on you. I had felt like the MA was weighing on me from the end of first year (so it'd been over two years coming). Constantly having to tell people "it's on its way" really started to weigh on my confidence in the program. Saying it revived me probably sounds foolish, particularly since I spent the rest of the quarter reading science fiction and watching more TV that I'll ever admit. Even to myself. But, I think my brain needed a vacation.
When I return, I need to get started on my reading lists. My goal is to take my comprehensive exams by the end of the quarter. If I work, that shouldn't be a problem. However, I am a little worried I will have to overcome my usual obstacles. The two lists are intimidating - 65 and 85 items respectively (American Politics and Public Law). It's perfectly doable, but one of those tasks that you need to remember to take in pieces instead of as a whole. I will also, of course, need to fight all of my usual urges to procrastinate - reading fiction, Netflix, beer, and my DVR are only a few of my favorite distractions . . .
I have never kept a New Year's resolution, so I don't plan to make any. I do, however, have more general long-term life goals. (I think the therapist suggested I call them life manifestations or something.) The first, and probably my most important, is financial. At the start of 2006 I had begun to feel like I was gaining control over my credit cards. By the end of the year the story is different. Very different. The balances have spun out of control. For obvious reasons, my spending habits need to change. It also, though, stresses me out - a lot - on occasion. I am not in danger of anything, but I don't like the numbers. Once I figure out what my new pay is (we get a 'raise' after we complete our MA), I plan to come up with a budget of sorts (I fear the stricter it is, the less likely I will be to follow it - it will need to have leeway for that occasional pair of underwear or shoes I absolutely need, of course). Part of the solution will simply be to eat at home more. I ate out so much this year, it's ridiculous. I could also drink less, but one thing at a time.
The second, and also very important, is health related. I need to move more. Whether that means I force myself to walk around the blocks in my neighborhood for 20 minutes a day or I find some activity (take those tap dancing classes I've been 'planning on taking' for 3 years now?) that I don't hate, I need to do something. It's one thing to have a sedentary career, but another when you also spend your free time not moving. School is reading, writing, researching and - let's face it - typing doesn't burn very many calories. My free time involves eating, more reading, watching movies, going out for drinks . . . somewhere in there I need to squeeze movement. For both my physical and mental well-being. I have been good about forgetting I own a scale, but there is always a tiny bit of risk. With any luck, a little exercise will also help that pathetic immune system of mine. I don't know if I could take another year of such frequent head/chest colds/infections.
As for the rest, I have the usual hopes and goals for a new year. Be good to myself. Be good to others. Reduce any opportunities for regret. Oh, and have a prospectus by fall quarter.
Having breakfast with mom and her parents in the morning. Then it'll be time to finish packing and head to the airport. I suspect I'll have to pay for one of my suitcases - it will, inevitably, be over the weight limit. *sigh*
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-01-04 10:47 pm (UTC)i liked the update.
take advantage of that cheap flight. prices can get ridiculous and hey...its home. gotta take every opportunity you can get. the distance kills. now i get to say i know how it is.
im glad things mentally are looking up. makes me worry less when i cant be around to act stupid and force a smile or two out of you every once and awhile.
also glad you made it out to orcas on a couple occasions. im telling you, its the best place on earth.
visitors are nice. fantastic, even. thank you for coming out to DC. ill be harassing you about that april trip, i hope you know.
ive said it enough im sure, but another congratulations on the masters. definitely proud of you. it proves you can do whatever you put your mind to. the phd is just the next step :)
money sucks. i have $40 to my name until i get back to DC.
and for health, thats what im saying...get out and adventure a bit. be a little rough on yourself. i treat myself pretty horribly but figure i expose myself to enough shit while being hard on myself that i manage to stay away from sickness on most occasions. weird, but true.
annnnd thats enough out of me.
no subject
Date: 2007-01-05 04:11 pm (UTC)And I'll keep you posted re: April. I think I've decided to skip out on the conference, but with any luck that'll mean I have more $$ for fun traveling. I would love to make it back to DC and definitely need to make it out to Madison for a first time.
Have you listened to the song recently? It's so easy to listen to on repeat, for some reason. Mellow, relaxing. I don't know. I don't even listen to the lyrics all the time . . .
no subject
Date: 2007-01-05 10:38 pm (UTC)Definitely keep me posted. There's a lot I didn't get to show you back in September. I wish I could have those days back. I actually have a space resembling an apartment now, too! Tables and couches and rugs and food and such. You only got to see the disaster. Less roommates, too :)
Been listening to a lot of DMB lately after you reminded me how wonderful they can still be. I love this song. Always did love the lyrics...simple and pretty, but in general you are right, it is just very mellow and calm. It's the sax.